Having been contracted into the church, it proceeded to work on moulding me, shaping me in the image that the men of the church considered the one to aspire to.
My opinions in the matter were of no interest to anyone. Not even me.
I was uncritical.
I believed whatever they wanted me to believe. I asked no questions.
Later, I believed that what was done to me was done in good faith.

I knelt in prayer so much it hurt. I so wanted it all to be true:
The Lord is thy shepherd, though shall not want.
Ask and you will be given.
Knock and the door will open.
I was lost in the wilderness and was not found.
I asked and received nothing.
I knocked and the door stayed firmly shut.

Praying felt like holding the receiver in your hand, dialling, redialling and redialling again, yet no one ever picking up the phone.
So I carefully replaced the useless receiver, made the sign of the cross and walked away.

Mecki Testroet